ALLMUSIC STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM

I take exception to your recent post to ALLMUSIC.
                                
It was (check all that apply):

___ lame.
___ stupid.
___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

___ what you posted has been done before.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post was a pale imitation of ________________________________.
                                             (net.personality)
___ your post/mail originated from Glendale Community College (Maricopa). 
___ your post/mail originated from URI.
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
    THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20.  Please remit immediately to:
         Allmusic Netiquette Monitor 
         922 E. Bluebonnet Dr.
         San Marcos, TX 78666
    or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
___ your post contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ you posted without the Allmusic Netiquette Monitor's permission. 
___ your post was an obvious forgery.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ your first comments to the list were "I love (group/artist).  How come 
    no-one ever talks about them?!  You call yourself Allmusic??!!"
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ you love (group/artist) because you think they are sooooo sexy.
___ you asked the list.members to try to come up with all the songs they 
    know that contain references to drugs, sex or rain. 
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added only ___ lines of     
    text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!"
___ you didn't quote any article in followup.
___ you didn't quote any article and simply said "Me, too!!!"
___ you asked for replies via e-mail because you "don't read this group".
___ you think fusion is simply a scientific term.
___ you think fusion is listened to only by yuppies in elevators.
___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ plants are more intelligent and witty than you.
___ it took you a year to figure out why Carol signs off as Libby Doe.
___ you asked for a list of people's ten favorite (insert any instrument         
here)-players.
___ you managed to get subbed to the list, but are too stupid to figure out 
    how to unsub. 
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ you repeatedly show this fact to everyone by sending unsub requests 
        to the list.
___ your lines are eighty columns or wider.
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ Your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
    ___ you listed snail mail address(es).
    (Mark only if above checked)
        ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
        ___ you listed phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
        ___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
        (Mark only if above checked)
            ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer 
                failed.
                (Mark only if above checked)
                ___ Miserably.
    ___ you included:
        (Mark all that apply):
        ___ a stupid self-quote.
        ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
        ___ a Dan Quayle joke.
        ___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
        ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
        ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Check all that apply):
            ___ USS Enterprise
            ___ Australia
            ___ The Amiga logo
            ___ Company logo
                (Mark only if above checked)
                ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
            ___ Bicycle
            ___ Bart Simpson

Furthermore:

___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ALLMUSIC. 
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
___ DEATH TO ALL THAT APPOSE!!
___ You are a loser.
___ You have never heard of Sonny Sharrock, Allan Holdsworth or Richard 
    Thompson.
___ You think the world needs more entertainers like Michael and Janet 
    Jackson.
___ You must have spent your whole life in an isolation tank to be this             
    clueless.
___ RSJ is God.
___ Vinnie can't even get steady work in a Holiday Inn lounge.
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It has been recommended that you:
    (Mark all that apply)
    ___ stick to your local BBS and come back when you've grown up.
    ___ create your own list where you and your sniveling sycophant friends 
        can talk all you want to about (group/artist).
        (Mark only if above checked)
        ___ we certainly won't miss you.
            (Mark only if above checked)
            ___ except as easy flame-bait
    ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
    ___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
        (Mark only if above checked) 
        ___ repeatedly.
    ___ stop reading Allmusic and get a life.
    ___ stop sending e-mail and get a life.
    ___ consume excrement.
    ___ consume excrement and thus expire.
        (Mark all that apply)
        ___ and your momma.
        ___ and the horse you rode in on.
       
Additional comments:
  

-- cmv