first some small observations from the conference at the beginning of the week:
- y'all tawk funny down thar
- the opryland hotel was fucking massive and a literal tourist trap in the way it was designed like a maze. we actually got lost in building 4 while trying to find our way to building 3 and had to phone the front desk from one of the emergency phones in the halls so they could lead us out and back to our room. i was informed that building 3 was a "fur piece" from building 4. yeesh. :)
- the opryland hotel was fucking pricey. we went to a lounge in the hotel for a drinkie and i nearly spit out my teeth when she told me my wee rum and coke was $6.50. hell, that's nearly 10 loonies! needless to say that we all just had one drink and retreated to our rooms to watch the weather channel.
- i enjoyed the ultra cheesy piano music that was played during the dancing waterfall shows in the hotel's cascade garden. the water choreography was cool as was the colored laser lights that danced off the fountains. even the music was agreeable, mainly because we were all glad to hear something else besides country music. :)
- the conference keynote session opened with one of the executives strutting out in faux garth brooks fashion with a guitar hanging behind him. *hork* *hork* the young woman who did "minnie pearl" was quite good and very funny. she talked about minnie's illness and, unfortunately, minnie died that very night while we were there.
- i went to a irish pub (mulligans) with a redneck in nashville. who'd a thunk it?! jeff and i kicked some major butt playing darts by beating anyone who dared challenge us.
- the batman building (bell south tower) really does look like it belongs in gotham city -- especially at night. i had a dream that night that i attached a huge elastic sling shot between the two spikes of the batman building and shot water balloons at baptists teenagers. they were everywhere, man...
- i bought a six pack o' goo goo clusters almost immediately upon my arrival. the clerk asked me if i knew what the goo stood for? i responded negatively and he proceeded to throw me hints. he asked me, "well, what is nashville famous for?". my cheerful response was, "why, goo goo clusters, of course!" he frowned disconcertedly. when he finally got me on the track of country music and the grand ole opry (goo), i had the answer. oh my, what a lovely folk tale! ;)
- i was at the wildhorse saloon when they filmed 3 segements of their program on the nashville network. i also refused to let the allmusic folks know when it was airing for fear that it may incriminate me. my reputation would surely be tarnished were it known that i may have line-danced with a busload of baptists. :*}
- the country music radio awards and conference were also at the hotel the weekend i arrived, so i saw my share of hollywood cowboys in tight jeans. hey, is that a half a roll of tums in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? :) shania twain and clint black were there as were several cowboys with big hats and big hair.
- we spent one night in printer's alley. it was kinda scarey, but the blues band was quite good at the bourbon street club. i ate a screaming hot po boy that kept me warm for several days in the frigid temps.
- our cab driver was quite friendly with us four bitchin canookie babes and he plopped in a cd to entertain us. i enjoyed the lyrics of one particular song whose chorus was "my brother was pittsburg steeler and i'm a little rock thief" and included little snippets such as "he went to Penn State and i'm in the state pen". i inquired who the artist was and he announced that it was him. well, i quickly informed him that i was a dj in canada and he is going to send me his cd and press kit. i now have a great pickup line at my disposal. :)
now for some comments of the second half of the trip, when wittle chucky showed up in his chuckratruck to wisk me away from the opryland hotel into the real lap of luxury: the hojo complete with spot-shot stucco on the walls. :*} the walls were paper thin and i'm sure we educated the baptists next door. :)
> Welp, it looks like most of the festivities have been covered in great
>detail, but I feel it's only fair to add a few comments of my own. Let's
>start with something that Libby Doe said upon her return from The Town
>Where Chucky Got Stoned As A Kid:
during my own personal tour of nashville, chucky showed me places where he got stoned with his brother, places where he got stoned with his friends, places where he got stoned with his mother... and places where he grew his own pot then got stoned... and places where he got stoned and laid. i felt like i was at a friggin' stoner themepark... how about dizzyworld? :)
>>And Jeffie... I want some more of that stuff that had me talking in
>>antonyms and made my nipples vibrate. Yee dawgie!
>
> Man, wasn't that something? I had never seen nipples glow in the dark
>before.
and i've never seen anyone levitate like that before. i had to durn near peel you off the ceiling.
i was drinking zipper droppers earlier and jeff made some sort of colorful remark as i was shooting it down my throat. i ended up nearly spitting it all over the floor and running quickly to the sink as peppermint schnapps made its way down my lungs and up my nose -- it was like snorting vicks vapo-rub. chucky didn't know whether to laugh or perform the hind-lick manouver on me. and jeff just sat there calmly and mumbled something about his timing. bastages!
>>Kelly and I arrived in Nashville Friday afternoon and checked in with
>>ALLMUSIC central (Chuck and Carol's hotel room). We were advised to
>>take a nap for an hour or so while... well, we never did figure out
>>while what, but I heard Libby shrieking in the background "Faster, you
>>Texas bronco" so I assume they were watching the rodeo as Canadians
>>and Texans are wont to do.
>
> Actually, we were just trying out the new saddle and whip that I picked
>up on the way into town.
and the only thing missing was....... pony boy! where art thou, oh pony boy?! ;)
>>Anyway, upon verifying that we possessed a car built in Atlanta, we
>>gave in to the whimpering entreaties to save them from rice-burners and
>>Chevys
>
> Now just a sec, Rev. Bob. I specifically offered to let y'all ride in
>the bed of my Chuckratruck.
... and then he'd proceed to feel you up. bindur, dundit.
> I dunno about that. However, it was a rich, complex and cheeky little
>brew ... provocative in its presumptiousness ... insufferable in its
>insouciance.
he said the same thangs 'bout me. i'm touched.
>>After a mercifully brief game of car-tag amongst the Nashvillians scurrying
>>from happy hour to happy hour on the Interstate,
>
> I'm not so sure it seemed mercifully brief to the passengers. I was
>br>>reminded of Mario Andretti driving bumpercars, and I heard Carol and Kelly
>saying their Ave Marias in the backseat.
i'm going to propose a small theory that jeff was the maniac in the semi that was running people off the freeways earlier that night. that's why he was late. stephen king writes novels about folks like jeff. ;)
> Oh well ... at least we managed to meet up that night. And for their
>punishment, Carol and I proceeded to show them every picture either one of
>us has taken for the last four years.
and they were so polite about the whole affair. it was my sincere intention to convince the list elite that the next lovefest should be held in the canadian rockies -- at least it's warmer up here. :)
>>Apart from this restaurant having no discernable doors, we made our way
>>inside and once again held forth in fine fettle, polishing off the
>>armadillo eggs and terrifying the local denizens with Libby's napkin
>>folding.
>
> Was it Tom who commented that it was nice to have been officially
>introduced to Libby? :*)
yes, i learned my napkin folding techniques from a book called, "erotic table settings for discerning nymphomaniacs".
> I told Carol that no one would buy the excuse that she wasn't feeling
>well. Damned if Bob and Kelly didn't show up just as we starting to play
>country-starlet wannabe and worldly disc jockey.
>
> Carol played the deejay.
and chucky wore the silky peach rhinestone-studded teddy... i still have the 16-point imprints to prove it.
> Yes, Tom was a real trooper. It's a shame he didn't get to stay around
>for the orgy.
>
> Also, from what I heard of his duet with Other Tim, he has a tremendous
>singing voice. But, his accent is kinda funny. ;*)
well, i was real impressed with tom's impromptu rendition of tim buckley's "move with me". i wanted to take him home with me, but chucky wouldn't let me. he also wins the prize for the sincerest smile and i sensed a wee shy twinkle in his eye. *sigh* i'm a sucker for wee shy twinkles.
>As we had no reason to doubt, the folks I've met in the flesh from this
>list are wonderful people, whom I admire greatly.
it's funny having your impressions either dashed or reinforced after meeting in the flesh. i expected sonia to be taller, making profound statements from high in the clouds, and seeing all the things the rest of us cannot. it was interesting to see her tied up in a knot on the floor. :) i expected helen to be wearing opera glasses, a powdered wig and delicately displaying an ivory cigarette holder. instead we were treated to a warm friendly down-to-earth gal with golden locks. pat was the true observer, as i expected. i could almost see his renaissance brain churning away and concocting moody and sentimental phrases. i expected tim howe to show up in spats and tails and a pink carnation and instead was introduced to a beatnik on steroids. :*} i had met bob and kelly previously and had already known that they are so damn friendly -- the pure embodiment of southern hospitality even though they hail from the town of cold steel. and, i owe my glowing nipples to jeff -- darlin' you shared so much. :) oh yeah, and chucky's dick was bigger than i remembered... :*}
i had a great time. let's do it again next year. :)
omc: chuck and i saw greg brown perform at the sutler. he was sentimental and psychotic -- just the way i like 'em: "darling, i'll put down the bottle, if you'll put down that knife".
off to dreamland,
libby doe